Hello Readers. I have found this wonderful song that shows how I feel about my birthmother. So much love, understanding, and thankfulness reside in these lyrics.
Finding this.. It made me feel so emotional like the shots of overwhelming emotion I've been experiencing lately when reminded of family.. I felt my chest and legs become heavy and ache.. I felt my heart break again.. Suddenly my whole body clapses while curling into itself... It all happened so fast. I suddenly fell off my bed convulsing, and crying, and yelling for my uma!
Sometimes I can't help it.. I completely break down crying and start screaming for her. Begging her to come back, to accept me, that I'm sorry for being her rape baby, for wrecking her life, and for being her living nightmare. I shout to her praying that she is alive and did not kill herself over our mess. I just scream for my uma and start yelling how much I love her and need her in my life.
This song I inspired me to write a second letter to her that I will post on here later. A letter to her if I never make contact or if she denies contact. So maybe in some crazy way it will get to her and she will know how I feel.. Or at least other birthmothers will know..