Actually today has been pretty great though. My adoptive mom was yelling, and I got to tell her she should be thankful for today. That she should feel blessed a Korean woman had to raped in order for her to have a child, and the child had to be raped her whole life for her to keep that child. A lot of bad shit had to go down so my adoptive parents could selfishly, not selflessly, fill their house with me. It felt good to give her a dose of reality.
I extended a last bit of friendship towards my now ex-best friend. It's all I had left to offer her. But being the schizophrenic she is, she broke up with me. The one friend that actually cares about her, and never used her or took advantage of her. It was such a one sided relationship. For a year I emotionally and mentally cared for her. You have to think and feel about her in the exact way she wants at all times. If you don't.. you'll trigger her paranoia, and she'll have an episode on you. Her mind invents fantastic delusions in which everyone is purposefully trying to hurt her.. Tears, moaning, swearing, name calling, screaming, sobbing.. It's exactly how my schizophrenic uncle acted during an episode. Most adoptees, myself included, have large battles with mental illness. It's actually why a lot of the 20 somethings and younger were given up. I hope she finds her way to getting help.. Remember triggering someone to have a psychotic break in reality is not your fault, it's the nature of their condition. I feel relived of my duties. It's relaxing.
I had a great morning of therapy. My therapist and I gave a lot of reflection to how happy and healthy I am. It's amazing to look back at my lowest point in sex addition and abuse a year ago, and see me now. My emotional growth and success in living a sexually-sober lifestyle. Things are pretty beautiful.
Today is my Gotchya Day. I mourn the death and rape of KangSun. I grieve for my foster parents and brother. I rejoice in spending it with one of my dearest friends L.N. I laugh at cozying up in an ironically Americana colored knit hat.