Hello Readers. I want to be over Ducky. I want to stop crying every time a little inside joke comes up and he's not here to share it.
Looking at the very positive in our relationship, I think he was all the tenderness and sweetness I never had. He doted on me, gave me a million kisses a day, and we slept with are arms around each other all night. As much as he listened, I don't think he had the experience to process most of I told him. I shared my entire world with him. He knew things even my closest friends didn't know, and a secret only my sister and therapist know.
Looking without the rose glasses I can see off paper we were not a good partnership. He didn't know enough about his own heart or his temper. I think he was a good partner for me for a year, but I don't believe he'd have been a good partner for our lives. He claimed to understand and support my adoptee issues and identity crisis. But then he supported me to finally test my DNA, 2 weeks later he left, and then didn't even respond when I shared my results and that I found family. This tells me he didn't understand my birth search at all and had no respect for me working on my identity crisis.
Some truly terrible things have happened to me in this life, but this.. This is what I find to be so close to unforgivable. Honestly, this is one of the cruelest things to do to an adopted person. What a great reminder to know that I am alone in this search and identity crisis. I trusted someone entirely for over a year, and then he reminded me that as an adoptee I should know better than to trust someone..
I know I'm being a bit dramatic, but fuck. Who does this to a person? I can't believe I have to work on not hating him. Oh my Ducky..