All I'm asking for is a tiny little droplet of a memory. My friends who have had parents walk out on them or pass think I'm lucky to not have to deal with my birth family leaving or dying one by one. When in reality I've spent my whole life suffering the loss and what if of loosing them. The little girl inside me is jealous of my friends. They have certainty, something I will only have when my hair is grey.
But most importantly... They have an ocean of memories, while I do not even have the droplet I beg the universe for every day. It's one thing to hop puddles, but it's another to dive deep into an ocean and see a whole world with someone you love. The world I have with my birth mother is a desert.. While it was depth, it's dark and freezing at night.. Almost nothing can survive.