Monday, 23 January 2012

I Am A Foolish Girl.

Hello Readers. Sometimes I wonder how other adoptees handle their relationships. Friends and dating can be tricky. I always wonder if they’re my friend or dating me because I’m Asian. When I’m told I have beautiful eyes I wonder if it’s because they’re almond shaped or just because they’re pretty on their own. I wonder if friends pick me because of who I am or because it seems cool to have an Asian friend. But who I am is a Korean adoptee and people seem to be infatuated with those who are messed up and hope to fix them.

I have never had one real friend before. For a minute I thought I did, But now I’m awake from that foolish dream. Something always gets in the way with how my apparent friends view me. It’s always emotional, or physical, Or both. I wonder if it’s like this for other adoptees.. I really don’t know what’s wrong with me that I can’t have just one normal friendship. I do crave acceptance from others, But not emotions past friendships or anything sexual. For once I just want a friend that I am close to, And the only physical beauty they see when they look at me is because I am such a good friend to them.

My friends who are attracted to me emotionally cause me great pause. I wonder how many of them just think they can fix how broken I am, Or maybe I really am this amazingly wonderful person despite adoption they say I am. I guess it is true the most lush and beautiful fruit and flowers grow at the edge of volcanoes. As for my friends who are attracted to me physically I’m sure for most of them it’s because my “exotic” looks contrast most blonde and blue wide-eyed Minnesotans. Both sides of it kind of suck a lot. A lot of times I wish I was this simple, normal, white American girl. I wish I could have simple, normal friendships. I wish I was born and raised by the same set of parents. But at some point all of my friends have woken me up from those stupid dreams.

Despite looking Korean, And being an adoptee I always find myself hoping for a true and normal friendship.. But then I get woken up and my heart sinks, For I am a truly foolish girl.

내가 균형을 찾아 도움말 어머니를하시기 바랍니다.

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