Saturday, 15 December 2012

I Am [STILL STILL] Fat: Eating Disorders 101

Hello Readers. If you remember back many months ago I had a couple posts about eating disorders! And I promised it was a mini series, so here is the 3rd and final installment of "Eating Disorders 101".

As I said before I want to talk about eating disorders because international adoptees are at a higher risk for mental issues than non-adoptees. Since eating disorders is very common, even for men, and I myself have had them in one form or another my whole life, I find this topic extremely important.

Many of you have been emailing me about your eating disorders, or about knowing an adoptee friend who has food issues. And I am wowed by how many of you are taking a bit of that control back by admitting it's unhealthy. I didn't admit my over eating to anyone until the the past couple years. Even though it was obvious when you looked at my body, but it's still important to say it out loud and tell someone. It's like someone who is clearly an alcoholic because we all saw them freak out at the party last night and there's pictures. That person still needs to admit their problem with alcohol themselves.

Now I openly admit that I have other food issues as well. I starve myself, I count calories when I pack my lunch, I lift weights and run in place just to watch tv. These are clearly not healthy habits. It shouldn't be a crime to just kick it on the couch and turn on the tube, but for me even renting a movie means I better at least be using a shake weight. Yeah I have one of those; Keep your mind out of the gutter lol!

I feel like my eating disorders are bipolar or manic depressant. Half the week I can just relax. Make some rice and Korean chicken, squirt a bunch of sriracha on and just be happy. Maybe I only run for half the movie, maybe I even skip a few hours of the day and take a nap just because I have the time. If I'm out with my bros I'll order real food vs a salad and grilled salmon. But if I'm on a date it'll probably still get a salad, but I get it with cheese and polenta croutons.

The other half the week I'm counting a half-serving of reduced fat wheat thins as one whole serving. I actually get in colorful discussions with my mom because she tries to make me buy/eat regular wheat thins. I won't drink hot chocolate no matter how freezing the house is. I don't put honey in my tea because it's just extra calories and sugar. Sometimes I even get to the point where I just heat up hot water to drink because even tea has calories in it.

Even my clothes say something about my unhealthy weight loss and life style. I'm up for a really cool job that calls for high fashion office wear. High fashion accessories I already have, but all my non-casual clothing are cocktail dresses and super formal satin gowns so I had to do a lot of shopping. I can perfectly fit a size 16 dress, 14 pant, and XL blazer. For me that feels pretty insane! A year ago next week I wore a plus size 22 dress, plus size 18 pant, and barely fit into a stretchy plus size 3X blazer. Crazy right!? And to top it off a size 16 in the USA is AVERAGE! So I'm finally an average American woman in one way, Uh.

Now most woman won't go around telling you their dress size, but I really want you guys to see how drastically my eating disorder has morphed. In the next few months I will start to experience a new kind of financial, emotional, and physical freedom (getting a new car) that I've never experienced before. I'm hoping I will also start a healthier life style and loose weight the correct way.

And no, this isn't my New Years resolution. This is just something I want to do for myself and to better my mental and physical health.

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