Hello Readers. Happy Gobble Gobble Day! I hope yours is lovely and full of friends and family. Even if it's family you only see for the holidays and they annoy the hell out of you. One day when someone passes away you'll suddenly realize how special even that one person made the holidays. Even if it was them starting a shouting match at the dinner table, Getting drunk and making all the cousins play charades, Or escaping the aunts and uncles to go for a chilly walk outside. Those are three things I miss about my family from my childhood.
Tonight I spend this holiday alone. I know I hate my adoption, but it doesn't mean I hate family. If anything I know more on how special family really is, and how much I'd love to be a part of one. I know what your thinking.. If you want a family so badly why aren't you with your adoptive one right now? Well I'm a bit of a Scrooge when it comes to the holidays.
I'm pretty much sad, angry, or annoyed during "the most wonderful time of the year." My birth family are all together for Ch'u Sok. Which is basically the Korean thanksgiving day. Ch'u Sok meaning "the harvest moon", Is celebrated on a different day each year depending on the lunar calendar. But it's always celebrated in September for the harvest.
I can picture the family in all parts of the house. My mother, all the ladies, and a special few men in the kitchen getting the harvest meal ready. Maybe they all step out into the living room to play a quick family game or to catch something on the tv. In my mind she hangs back and takes a movement to think about me, maybe lets herself cry a little. That's all I can picture during the holidays.. Her taking these small moments for herself..
That's exactly what I do every year. I take a moment to think about her, and to let myself cry a little. I miss her so much around the holidays. I always feel so cold and alone, Like an old hallow tree. In a way only a homeless adoptee could understand. I wish I had a home, I need her.
As always I had many friends offer to take me home for Thanksgiving, but this year I declined. I stayed home by myself while my parents went to my grandma's. I worked on my art while my cat ran around the house. I've been rocking out to good punk all day.. Mostly "The Longest Line" by NOFX on repeat. I went out with one of my best friends for a few pints. When I got home I called around to every place in the area that delivered, Until finally a pizza place answered.
The delivery boy was my age, Just a cute sweet guy. He said he was surprised a pretty girl like me would be ordering out for the holidays. I laughed and lied saying I wasn't much of a chef, Anything to avoid acknowledging Turkey Day. He laughed all miffed, as he walked away he turned around and said, "Hey! I hope you have a really great Thanksgiving!" ....It was like taking a bullet.
While I was cleaning up my dishes one of besties and brain soulmate Matt called. It's our special thing on the holidays, he always calls me on Thanksgiving and Christmas. It's my only real tradition. He's super fucked up, but he's so smart and a wonderful person. I love that kid, He's always there for me.
I hope you all had wonderful turkey filled gatherings with your friends and family today. I hope you keep in mind how special and important those people are to you. You never know how much you'll miss it once its gone. If you feel like a homeless adoptee like me, caught between two worlds that you don't belong to.. I'm sorry you're missing people you've never met, but you're not alone in feeling helplessly hallow.. I miss my biological strangers too.
So that's my Gobble Gobble Day, kinda sad, kind depressing. And pretty uneventful. My parents just got home, Time to snag a pice of my dad's pumpkin pie.
어머니여보세요. 난 당신이 훌륭한 수확은 9 월에 함께 있길 바래. 난 당신이 모든 소란에 나를 생각 바랍니다. 난 당신에게 많은 어머니가보고 싶어요. 난 달보다 더 큰 사랑 해요. 당신이 내 세상입니다. 하시기 바랍니다 내가 당신을 찾으실 수 있습니다. 당신이 알고있는 것보다 훨씬 더 많은 필요합니다. 당신 어머니 사랑 해요.