Last night and this morning with Double D felt pretty perfect. Things were so lovely when we got back to my place this afternoon, that I went on Facebook to finally accept his relationship request. But he stopped me. I asked him what he wanted and what he thought his options were. He said he didn't know. I told him if things weren't going somewhere, then we need to stop before we permanently mess up our friendship. He told me he didn't think he could care about someone like that right now. That once he got this last piece in line for himself, he could pick any girl and make her his. Ouch. And WTF kid.
It sucks when things don't work out. But it really hurts when you're told you're not enough to be more special than every other slut. More poetically.. Sometimes when you're released you want to run into the streets and yell, "I'm free!" Other times you're put back into the small pond they found you in, so they can catch all the fish in the ocean.
What if he does end up with every other slut and it makes him happier then I ever could. What if all the sluts don't make him happy, but it's one slut too many too late.
I remember the first night we met at CONvergence 2012. It was my first con and I was having a terrible time. He walked up to me drunk and started babbling, while I was trying to get away to find my date. The con ended up really sucking, but Double D kept coming up and talking to me. I ended up giving him my number, then came the months of him calling and texting trying to get me to come out for coffee with him. He became one of my best friends and who I've met all of my best friends through. We never made it to coffee, but we did make it to falling for each other. Which somehow landed us here, not together.
One of my exes and still good friend told me you should be with the one you want. I'd like to expand on that. You should be with one you want, not what you want. If one person is special, if they really are your unicorn.. Than you don't need the other whats; you only need your unicorn.
But another friend has pointed out most unicorns are really dumb horses, with a paper towel roll taped to their forehead.
But to answer your questions if super messed up adoptees can love.. Adoptees can find real unicorns. We can fall and even be ready to share that love. And if you don't know what a unicorn is Wong Fu Productions defines them as someone so special you didn't think they could exist.
Go prove the world that you exist.
Go prove the world that you exist.
*Cheers*
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