Hello Readers. It's been 2 months since a real blog got on here. I'm sorry I didn't write while in the motherland. The two main factors were how hard the trip was and posting about the group I had to be there with wouldn't have been smart. I did write some notes as we made our way, but those will come later. In fact I'm not going to be talking much about the trip in this blog; we'll have to rip that band-aid off later.
*I will tell you every moment was magical, horrible, wonderful, traumatic, and the best hardest experience of my life. Considering how socially horrific things got, I survived it and accomplished my childhood dreams. I can't wait to go back home, I love Korea.
I landed stateside on the 1st. Week 2 here has been hard. There's these moments when there's no distractions, the fog of dense American boredom clears.. And then I'm just really sad. It's a kind of sadness I've never felt before.. Life doesn't feel right here. Of course it's familiar and I know it well, but I hate it so much and it's all so boring. I want home. I hate America in a whole new way.. It's not everything that's happened to me here, it's not the poor dynamics of my adoptive family.. It's everything that American is not. It's not Korea. Going home and loving it did further push me away from anything and everyone that I had in America.. Not that I fit in before, but how the fuck am I expected to fit in now? How do I function here?
The new plan is after finishing my BA I'll teach in Korea for a year or two, I'll take classes for my Masters online. I'll come back and take the last couple courses in person. Then I'll see where life back in the states takes me, hopefully a family. I'm also looking around for other jobs. I love working with glasses and the team is great, but I need a change. It's hard enough going back to friends feeling so differently about myself. I want a new job, a new team, and new experiences as this wonderfully ready for it person I've become.
Want to hear more crazy news? When I landed Thursday the 1st I ended up spending the weekend with Double D. Saturday afternoon we were still laying in bed and the subject of love came up "totally organically" of course. Honestly I was feeling really proud of how I handled Korea, feeling happy with my life, and so happy with him.. I woke up and felt ready for this to happen. He's never been in love before, but laying there he said he was sort of in love with a girl *blushing*. After a ridiculously awkward part of the story I won't be sharing the embarrassing details of.. I told him I was sort of in love with him too. Naturally I've only heard from him one time since. We're all planning on spending Sunday at Pudding Pop's cabin. Not sure if Double D is coming; I would really like for him to come up with us. It should be a perfect Sunday for our group.
Alright you're going to want to buckle yo for this one.. Buckle up in my car!! On Monday I took my drivers test for the first time and passed! This kid is growing up so fast ha! I actually don't have a car yet. We've been looking on and off this last year. Now we're looking for the right car to pull the trigger on. Of course I'm getting a Kia to represent the motherland. I've been looking for 2010-2013 Kia Rios, so new and barely used cars. Shit is exciting!
I got to meet with my therapist on Tuesday! (Yeah I met with the-rapist) As I've said before she is a remarkable gal and very dear to me as a person. I did talk to her about the happenings in Korea and that felt ok. I was telling her how different I felt, like a new and better person. She said there's 3 things that fundamentally change someone. Education, travel, and work and I have all 3 ha. And I am so happy about all of it!!
The rest of my time has been spent catching up with friends, going out, and sleeping. Basically I'm trying to catch up on American life, trying to adjust, and remember how things are here. It's really hard to accept how things are here.. But with the support of some adoptees I met while in the motherland, I'm not doing it 100% alone.
I've also been on the hunt for some new faces to surround myself with. So far I've met some pretty cool people. I'm hoping for the young adult I've become to meet to people, and share new experiences with them. I'm very excited to explore this.