Thanksgiving is this Thursday, Damn. I am just floating between tears, working on art, and all my fears. I think I feel this way because I don’t have family right now, And the holidays always hurt so much. Ever since I was a kid the holidays was a reminder of everyone else being with family, And me find bathrooms doors to lock and cry behind. This year will be the same as every other year except I have hope. Maybe this year for Christmas I could get my family? Maybe the search could just work out, And I could find them, And be with one of them or all of them this year. I really don’t have faith in anything, But please.. This has been my Christmas Wish every year since I was child. I have been waiting 20 years, So please.. Just let me be found, And to go home.
All I want to do is go home for the holidays like everyone else, But every year I unwrap this cold house that gets shoved into my lap. I wonder if my birth mother/father/family feel this way around the holidays. I wonder who in the family knows I am missing from the family get-togethers, From Christmas, And Korean holidays. I wonder if my birth mother hurts more around the holidays when she’s showing her other sons or daughters how she cooks those special family meals.. Because I hurt so much.
I hurt more than I can describe!! I am missing out on how to cut/chop/pour things just right. I am missing out on the smiles and close family times. I am missing out on hugs, And love, And joy, And the happiness in knowing I belong somewhere!! Every day I live without them, I am loosing time in my life I want to spend with them!
Thanksgiving is this Thursday, And the holidays make my everyday aches worse, And my everyday tears hotter. No one in this house can hear my cries. My screams always seem to fall upon deaf ears, Right now it’s the silver bells drowning them out. Drowning me.
당신이 크리스마스 어머니를 위해 뭘 원하는지 궁금해, 난 당신이 날 원한다면 당신이 나를 위해 눈물을 침묵해야하는 경우, 내가 궁금해 궁금해하거나 허락한다면 자신을 전혀 눈물을했습니다. 난 당신이 매일 생각합니다. 더이 세상에서 무엇보다 당신을 사랑해, 당신은 내게 별을보다 더 가치가있다. 나는 우리가 올해 당신의 크리스마스 소원을 얻을 바랍니다. 난 당신을 사랑 해요.