I did talk to a fellow adoptee, Big M, a few times during the trip.. He told me that being in Korea would never be perfect, that I needed to focus on the good that happened. I told him that I didn't want to talk about it further and for now I just wanted to be mad, and angry, and hurt. I think the only person in my life that has a real sense of what happened there is my adoptive mom. She was one of the few people that wasn't in this fish tank with me. I could send her emails filled with screams, swearing, and anger and it's a side of Morgan that she's used too.. Even though her words were nothing helpful and even triggering, I needed to vent. I knew she could handle it.
It got to the point that I was begging her to change my flight and get me a ticket back to the states. Begging her and my adoptive dad to please get me state side.. Not even Double D knows what really happened in Korea. I don't think I even fully expressed my low points to the adoptees I met there who are now long life friends.
I do love Korea, it is my home.. But it's a love hate relationship, with constant self explanation and cultural negotiation. I am ready to talk about what really happened in Korea. I'm not sure if I'll be posting it all on here quite yet, but I am going to start talking about it with my therapist. From there maybe a friend or two, maybe a Double D or something.
I thought I should let you guys know that my silence on the subject wasn't forever. It was nearly a bandaid to hold off the blood until I was ready.