It doesn't matter if we meet through friends, parties, events, online the outcome is always the same. A date or two, then nothing. A bunch of times I've ended up with assholes who think you nail a girl by dating her on a date. We go on the most cliches dates, sex, then nothing. It's so stupid, what an absurd waste of time. If you want to have sex just be open, why try and sneak into someone's pants? Just a few months ago I could screw any hot I wanted. It's easy to get laid, lies and theatrics are a waste of time and money. Being blunt about what you want, gets you exactly what you're craving.
A couple times I've gone in too gingerly.. They learn nothing real about me, and we never break the touch barrier. I think if I start talking about the rawness of my life they'll be freaked out. Any guy I've met that doesn't drink says it right away. Is that the same awareness I need to give on having no proper romantic experience? "I'm a recovering sex addict; I've never experienced romantic based dating." If they ask about it should I do the same as those in AA and explain, "I grew up rough with sexual abuse, in my teens I sexualized it to survive, and abusive long term boyfriends don't count as a chosen romantic relationship. I'm better now."
If I'm not talking to a fellow addict of any kind, how do I share without them feeling bad for me? Or see me as broken? I know other girls, teens, woman that have been sexually assaulted. Mentoring them comes easy because I've experienced more abuse. I don't know anyone born from rape, spent most of their life being abused by classmates, then abused for years by boyfriends, and then I worked my ass off to get healthy. If there's anyone out there that's like me, then please say something.
I'm a young woman in her 20s. All I'm trying to do is date a fine fella, find a warm fuzzy to sit on my shoulder.. But I keep messing up all my dates, because when on earth do you tell a guy that you used to be epically screwed up?
I should hug people more, have the first ever conversation with my adoptive dad, get a another cat... or something.
I'm not sure what the balance is..