A Letter From The Womb.

Dear Umma--


*These are all the things I wish I could have said to you on February 24th.. My birthday.

Hello Umma. I've felt your stress and anger for the past 9 months, I've heard you cry, and scream, and want to give up so many times. But each time you wiped your tears, composed yourself, and kept moving forward and kept me alive. I want you to know how thankful I am for your strength, even if it feels like you never had a choice.

I can only imagine the things you've gone through and how you got pregnant. I am sorry for everything that has happened to you mother. I want you to know that you may love me, and you may even hate me, but I love you. I love you and I don't want to go. I don't want to leave you, I want to stay home in Korea. If a better education and bigger opportunities means no home and no you what's the point? No amount of money can replace you umma.

I am scared of leaving you today, and forgetting everything I have ever known. I am afraid of never learning all that I could here. What if I never learn what home is? What if I can never come back home? What's if I never find you?

When I leave here and you say goodbye I won't know what's happening. I'll be confused until one day I'll learn I have an adoptive family, and I'll only know them and not you. I'll have forgotten everything excepting one haunting dream. When I'm a little girl I'll dream of you holding my in the hospital. So happy seeing me singing me a lullaby, with appa be your side. Then you surrender me to a nurse and as they carry me away you break down screaming and crying..

I'll never know if that's just a dream or baby Kang's only memory, but it will haunt me my whole life. Even when I'm 22 I'll wake up in tears from it.

Regardless of the pain we'll both feel, I know you're making the right decision for us. It's hard and we're both scared, but I understand sometimes forgetting is the best chance of things. I hope one day to remember though. I support your choice, Please never regret it.

Wishing I could stay home; I love you.



-- Kang